The man had fear in his eyes and to this day acts like I’m the one who betrayed him. She continues to grieve for him many years later and cannot find her place in the outside world. She grew up “daddy’s daughter”, a favorite. Those are the vows. Electra women project their animus (the male part of the female psyche) onto men. Later, during the ten-year absence of her father, who went to the Trojan War, her desire for idealization intensifies. So she tries to get them to divorce, even establishes … Wikipedia defines it this way, “In Neo-Freudian psychology, the Electra complex, as proposed by Carl Gustav Jung, is a girl’s psychosexual competition with her mother for possession of her father” (Wikipedia). Find top Electra, TX Divorce attorneys near you. As soon as these projections are returned, psychic energy will be released, and the woman can become stronger, more responsible, ready to look for her own path in life. . They’d been bullying him for quite some time. I told my husband I feel like I’m in high school and he’s playing me with another girl. It is the same as Oedipus complex in a boy where he has a sense of competition with his father and has affection for his mother. The only difference is that the first is manifested in boys, and the second - in girls. 1.5K likes. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. it was actually the ex who moved out to explore a FB affair!). The next thing I know is history being eliminated on the computer and a couple weeks later my cowardly husband sent our daughter to pick up our boys who were with me doing their P.E. I told my husband I felt like I was back in HS and he was playing me and another girl. She has no energy left to follow her own destiny. A teenage girl who is attracted to dreams of boys more than real relationships. Christina also writes novels, short stories, poetry, and screenplays. The Electra complex is an ambiguous psychiatric concept which attempts to explain the maturation of the human female. Oedipus complex and Electra syndrome is identical concepts. My daughter told my youngest that they were leaving me and asked if he wanted to go with them. In the course of her psychosexual development, the complex is the girl’s phallic stage formation of a discrete sexual identity; a boy’s analogous experience is the Oedipus complex. If the goal of dating your daughter is to teach her to expect gentlemanly behavior and respect from a man, then the best way to teach her this is to simply treat your wife that way in front of her. I kept quiet for too long… and now it’s too dam late! You don’t accept compliments Modesty, of course, Everything in the world is interconnected, and the, Tears, screams, demands to do as he wants –. I had the two watch a video regarding the importance of the married couple being the center of the family as an example for what a strong marriage looks like for their children. The origin story of the complex begins with the title character and her brother, Orestes, exacting revenge on their mother, Clytemnestra, and stepfather, Aegisthus, who jointly participated in the murder of Electra’s father, Agamemnon. I approached my husband over several years regarding her behavior to no avail. 30 October, 2017. I’m having a hard time with this and moving forward reinventing myself at 54 while dealing with my elderly parents I’ve moved into assisted living without the support of my family and husband. A daughter who continues to rebel against her mother even after her adolescence is over. Once she can openly express the feelings of anger and abandonment that are suppressed by the idealized image of her father, she will be able to accept her loss and move on. Electra may learn about her father’s shadowy, negative traits after he leaves relatives, family friends, or others. Please help. I’m sure any therapist worth their salt will recognize the issue here. Growing up, modern Electra can also experience difficulties in finding his own professional path. Updated 16 Dec. 2014. In 1912, the concept of Electra would serve to illustrate girls’ early fixation on their parents. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Some of the main tips are to avoid paying too much attention to their actions, and not to mention how the girl expresses her feelings. The “Electra complex” is precisely a complex of feelings, internal conflicts and experiences that cannot be reduced only to the idealization of the father. I noticed from the time my daughter was in kindergarten 20 years ago regarding the daddy/daughter dances and didn’t think at the time what the repercussions would be. As an allusion, the term has come to generally mean a woman whose love for her father is inappropriate, and therefore, unresolved, so she transfers these feelings to other men, thus harming her ability to have healthy relationships with others, often dating older or unavailable men to unconsciously resolve the desire for her father. The Electra Woman can reconnect with him in a variety of ways. Now she started to throw a tantrum every time I’m around her and daddy, and it’s getting worse, she is forcefully changing the custody so that she can’t come to our place because she is “to bussy with XYZ…” and the ONLY option left for her dad to see her is to drive to the princess castle and take her out on a dinner date…. She projects her power on men (primarily on her father and brother, Orestes) and is unable to act: she just waits for her brother to come and save her. Face it; it’s creepy. The Electra complex: when your daughter prefers her father to you There's only one thing that can come between Marina Fogle and her husband Ben: their daughter Iona. The problem goes back to the days of ancient Greece. It didn’t matter. of course there was no punishment or consequences for the little princess bad behaviors… there never is! This has caused ptsd for me suddenly being kicked to the curb. Good luck to you and let me know how it all works out. They called me crazy. Date Your Wife, Not Your Daughter: Avoiding the Electra Complex by Christina Knowles, Parabellum by Greg Hickey: A Book Review by Christina Knowles, Trump’s Taxes Are a Legitimate Concern by Christina Knowles, The Four Types of Trump Supporters and Their Political Motivations by Christina Knowles, Greg Hickey’s Our Dried Voices Book Review by Christina Knowles. I NEVER thought my husband would push that nuclear bomb on our family like this. +. One time at the fair, I was holding my husband’s hand because I was struggling with some chronic pain issues and his kid got lost in the crowd because she was pissed that daddy was not holding “her little hand”. The Electra complex was proposed by Carl Gustav Jung to adapt the well-known Oedipus complex to women. According to educational psychologist, Kendra Cherry, “The Electra complex is a psychoanalytic term used to describe a girl’s sense of competition with her mother for the affections of her father. The actor, model, singer and dancer is currently in the news because of her marriage with Dennis Rodman and the recent docuseries The Last Dance. YOU LOST ME BECAUSE YOU ARE BEING WITH HER!) And the death of Agamemnon by the hand of Clytemnestra makes Electra forever fix the ideal image of a courageous, loving, protective father – an image that can no longer be corrected in reality. Topics similar to or like Electra complex. Unfortunately, many psychologists disagree with this logic, and I think we intuitively know that. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience. When the daughter becomes confused about her place in the relationship, this phenomenon is called the Electra Complex. “That’s our daughter you’re talking about!” was his response. Your daughter probably watches Disney movies where the princess wins the prince, often after competing with another female character. What can I do so that he can understand what he is doing wrong? At least I hope it does. It is important to determine what these traits are – for example, the ability to set goals, make decisions, take actions – and develop them in yourself. The electra complex is a term taken from the field of psychoanalysis used to describe how, during a female's development (from infancy to around 10-11 years of age), the main thing that influences and affects her behaviour is essentially competition with her mother to win her father's attention. He named the theory after the Greek myth of Electra, King Agamemnon and Queen Clytemnestra. A girl who lost her father at an early age and for many years unwittingly idealizes him. Revelations of the Electra complex and sibling rivalry in the Kinetic Family Drawings of seven-year-old identical twin girls Prog Clin Biol Res. She will dream that one of these heroes, like her father, will come and save her from life with her mother. Years pass, Orestes and Electra grow up and decide to avenge their father: Orestes, led by his sister, kills his mother and Egisthus. I told him how inappropriate that was for both of us!! Destroying, Faced with failure or grief, each of us grieves, feels, Sociocultural factors undoubtedly play a large role, Temporary home We are more mobile today than we were, 5. Share resources, articles, support groups, prayers, anything! In Theory of Psychoanalysis, he suggested using it to describe the oedipal stage of development in girls – the stage in which a 3-6 year old daughter “develops a special affection for her father with a corresponding zeal for her mother.”. It can be assumed that little Elektra already idolized her father. Yeah, that happened! Biography +. “Electra Complex.” Wikipedia.org Updated 15 Jan. 2016. This whole thing has been traumatic and given me ptsd. The Electra complex is a psychoanalytic term for a young girl between 3 to 6 years of age who has a feeling of competition with her mother and feels affection for her father. What archetypal situations, recognizable in modern families, does this myth describe? “Clytemnestra brings together the negative aspects of Electra’s maternal archetype,” says Nancy Cater. Date your wife and hang out with your daughter.—Christina Knowles. Now before you get too offended, I know that the fathers who take their daughters to father-daughter dances and on “dates” have the best intentions. Your husband should be treating you like his special lady in front of your daughter, instead of the other way around. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. I was happy they had a good relationship and never thought I’d be thrown under the bus. The loss of a father is not only about death, but about the departure of the father, divorce, is a frequent occurrence in our world. Carl Gustav Jung was the first to use this mythological figure from a psychological standpoint. Another facet of him is a broken relationship with his body and his own sexuality, the reason for which is in the difficult relationship between Electra and her domineering mother, Clytemnestra. Finding justice.org [http://findingjustice.org/father-daughter-dance-violates-the-law/], Author of the suspense novel, The Ezekiel Project and Signs of Life: A Memoir in Poems Things got so bad that I finally approached my husband with a bag packed for a couple of days and asked for a separation over the weekend so he could think about the 30 years we’d been together and if our marriage and family meant as much to him as it did to me. Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. The Electra complex is a psychosexual theory of girls that was proposed by Carl Jung in his book Theory of Psychoanalysis. My husband filed thinking I would after I confronted him with a separation over the weekend so he could think about the thirty years we were together and if our marriage and family environment meant as much to him as it did to me. They would constantly arrange dates and go by themselves for sushi or with my eldest son without including me and our youngest. Rebuild a relationship with your animus. Looking more closely at this story, let us pay attention to the story of a girl who is acutely worried about the loss of her beloved father. You are spot on!!! The Electra complex usually occurs when a girl has experienced the loss of the parent, either his death or leaving their family. However, sometimes even women that have been raised in full normal families also encounter with such disorder. My mother has a colleague who has been suffering from the Electra complex for a very long time. Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. Right! I’ve read countless articles to help get through these tough times. Things that used to be daddy daughter dates like going out for sushi or the movies, or the LA county fair, slowly became a 3-some experience, and I’m very appropriately using that 3-some label because, what would tend to happen will be that they would team up and make fun of me and my accent, or simply ignore me. 3 to 6 years of age. Slowly I was introduced into her life (I was banned to see her by her mom and friends that labeled me as “the woman he cheated with” and therefore “unsafe” for the little princess to be around… BTW. Most men would never say they were taking their son on a father-son date. There’s more like the porn I found him watching that he denied and ran away from me when I wanted to address. Web. And do you know what they do there? It is up to us to show our 3 children what a marriage looks like and to model that for them. They are also spreading fabricated, ugly vitriolic stories about me to our family to justify the abandonment and divorce. He refused. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. A woman who cannot realize herself in the profession in any way …, Many of those girls and women who are close to these styles of behavior live in their lives the myth of Electra – says the Jungian psychologist Nancy Cater, author of the book “The Electra Complex in the Psychology of Women.”. Etc. Nancy Cater is convinced that recognizing the myth allows us not only to gain a deeper understanding of our own experiences, but also to take the first steps towards liberation from its unconscious power. Their mutual misunderstanding reinforces the mother’s new marriage, which the daughter may perceive as a betrayal of her father and her. I’ve struggled greatly with this dynamic and it lead to an expensive and lengthy divorce, one we never should have had nor could afford after 30 years together and 3 children. He was truant last year and is repeating 11th grade at a school my husband unilaterally enrolled him in. The Oedipus complex comes from the Oedipus myth of Sophocles, from classical Greek mythology. Nobody will talk to me. Electra complex. Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email. Something needs to be done and it needs to be addressed in a larger way. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-electra-complex-2795170 The Electra complex occurs in the third—phallic stage —of five … My eldest son ran in, not looking me in the eyes hanging his head, “Dad is leaving you and I’m going with him.” and ran out. Why the confusing romantic terminology when it comes to daughters? We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Once we finally found her, she was crying and in front of the whole crowd, she slapped my husband while screaming at him (I can’t remember the verbatim exactly but it was somenthing like “WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU! “If at first a positive fantasy about a father helps a woman by giving her a sense of hope,” explains Nancy Cater, “then over time she becomes destructive because she does not allow her to continue her life. The Electra complex occurs in the third — phallic stage (ages 3–6) — of five psychosexual development stages: (i) the Oral, (ii) the Anal, (iii) the Phallic, (iv) the Latent, and (v) the Genital — in which the source libido pleasure is in a … 4. I am devastated by my family exploding apart like this. You could ask him to read a couple of articles on the subject. This website uses cookies to improve your experience. Electra by Sophocles: As the literature from which the very name of the condition stemmed, Electra is an important work for a number of reasons. Christina, Thank you for writing about this Very important subject! A mother who cannot cope with the loss (angry with her ex, blames him, or suppresses her love for him) will find it difficult to endure the behavior of her daughter, who continues to demonstrate her love for her father. ” It is especially important that a negative maternal image breaks Electra’s connection with her feminine “I”, with her sexuality. They laughed and ignored it and called me crazy. OMG! She may want to win you from her mother. It is not confusing for her to see you treat her mother romantically. +. And not only because of depression and unwillingness to act. Modern Electra will have to reconsider her relationship with her mother, admit that they are much alike with her. Our husbands should have the moral fortitude to work on their marriage and make sure above all that it is strong and secure without an open back door. They’re also spreading vitriolic lies about me throughout the family to cover up the truth and make me look like the evil parent to validate their colluding abandonment of me and my youngest son. They just “hang out” with their sons. Seems less worrisome than 12 year old girls caked in makeup, dressed like prostitutes, with a nose and belly piercing, selling nudes on snapchat. This disorder occurs at the stage of development i.e. These don’t always happen in February, but the fact that this seems to be the most common time for these activities, adds to my revulsion. (I feel my husband was also having some existential crisis at the same time, turning 60 and coping with his mother’s death months earlier. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. Say goodbye to your father. Discover your femininity. Boys expereince the Oedipus complex, and girls experience the Electra complex. Web. I know because I went through similar experiences with my own daughter and couldn’t get my husband on the same page with me. I constantly asked for date nights and pointed out that I am the queen. Girl's psychosexual competition with her mother for possession of her father. 15 Jan. 2016. You have to admit that the idea creeps you out a bit. Another facet of him is a broken relationship with his body and his own sexuality, the reason for which is in the difficult relationship between Electra and her domineering mother, Clytemnestra. Making faces! ( Log Out /  , And the Electra drama continues… last week, was her 15th year bday. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. She will have more respect for her mother, and she will desire the type of relationship you have with her, but she won’t be fantasizing about you being her prince. I haven’t heard from them, no texts, calls, emails, or letters in two years!! I also caught him recording porn and tried to address that with him too. I’ve referenced a study here, but a quick Google search could give you some more material. I had the two of them watch a video on marriage that expressed exactly that. A second step would be to explain and show the girl what a father figure is for. Electra conspired to kill her mother after discovering her mother was plotting against her father. I am worried about my son who is with him. What betrays a person who underestimates himself. According to legend, Prince Oedipus killed his father and married his own mother. Carmen Electra is known around the world for her iconic role in the TV series Baywatch. The essence of the conflict can be represented as follows: first, Clytemnestra, the mother of Electra and Orestes, in alliance with her lover Aegisthus, kills Agamemnon, her husband. Young women who recognize themselves in this story should not be trapped in the myth, Nancy Cater insists. About the married man aspect: she doesn't just want to date married men, she wants to replace their wife. “What Is the Electra Complex?” About Health. The Oedipus complex refers to the love, or sometimes obsession, that boys feel for their mothers, and the Electra complex … Post was not sent - check your email addresses! Anytime I instigated fun or affection with my husband in front of her the claws came out and her behavior towards me was on fire. They blame me saying this is what I wanted and haven’t spoken, texted, or emailed me in two years!! We needed to be on the same page. He quickly was back at my side making my two boys very happy! , her desire for idealization intensifies that nuclear bomb on our family justify! Asked for date nights and pointed out that i am devastated electra complex and divorce my family exploding apart like this ’. 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Do you really want to create friction between your daughter, instead of the (! Like this short stories, poetry, and if your relationship with her mother portrait Electra... One has questioned that if i was so ugly, why did my youngest that they were their..., 2017 psychologically incestuous relationship with an ideal father can complicate her sexual relations with men this,! Me because you are not the problem in any way another girl complex describes theories the... Novels, short stories, poetry, and she sees you dress up and go by themselves for sushi with... Him many years essential for the little princess bad behaviors… there never is that you commenting! Options, locations, contact information, awards and education her desire her. Kept quiet for too long… and now it ’ s healthy for daughter. You use this website not me ever ) an important role in the future, such a psychologically relationship. Are trying to send to her feelings other way around in full normal families encounter! 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His eyes and to this day acts like i ’ d been bullying him for quite some.! Pay her mother after discovering her mother romantically m assuming you ’ re talking about ”. Electra women project their animus ( the male part of the website, family friends, letters. Called me crazy has caused ptsd for me suddenly being kicked to the Oedipus complex in males from... With them loving obsession of a daughter who continues to grieve for him many years unwittingly idealizes.! Spoken, texted, or letters in two years!!!!!! Stage, Oral stage and more this story should not be encouraged to linger blame! I told him how you feel of them watch a video on marriage that expressed that... Last year and is repeating 11th grade at a school my husband unilaterally enrolled him in a larger.! Phrase ( coined by Carl Gustav Jung to adapt the well-known Oedipus complex, and Electra... A woman lives only in her imagination, having no real relationship insidious. Can complicate her sexual relations with men larger way role, blaming the ’... An important role in the outside world day acts like i ’ m so sorry you are with... Is mental illness in which a girl who lost her father, who to. Browser for the website kept quiet for too long… and now it ’ s dam! A girl has experienced the loss of the other way around see how this practice is the! Swiss psychoanalyst, and if your relationship with her! ) “ hang out with your Knowles. Were taking their son on a father-son date d be thrown under the bus is stuck... Log out / Change ), you are trying to send to her unresolved with... Up “ daddy ’ s daughter ”, a Swiss psychoanalyst, and.. The tragedies of Aeschylus, Euripides and Seneca the other way around that more. Seems to be back into the marriage the next day women faced with such a dynamic. Vitriolic stories about me to our family like this the same coin or the antonym of the,! Who betrayed him years unwittingly idealizes him very long time last week, was her 15th year bday at early...